You are looking for a “rockstar” Scrum Master who thrives on attention. I have a passion for coaching my team members and turning them into rock stars. All eyes should be on their success, while I enjoy watching them take their accolades. (If they are dancing like it’s their birthday, all the better.)

You want a Scrum Master who tells you what you want to hear. I have a love affair with transparency. While I enjoy when things are going well (and I celebrate when they do), I have equal zeal when it comes to making sure stakeholders know exactly where we stand when things aren’t hitting the mark. If you have a habit of attacking the messenger, I may spend a lot of time in the ER.

You adore the status quo. I don’t like standing still. I’m always looking for ways to tweak the next iteration; to take things to another level (in a healthy way, of course). If change makes you uncomfortable, I recommend moving on to the next candidate.

You are uncomfortable with a Scrum Master who will stop at nothing to remove impediments from their team. I view impediments as the ultimate evil antagonist of a great Scrum Master. I tend to treat impediments like Michael Bay treats cars. (I prefer to leave people “flame-free”, however. Conflict resolution shouldn’t look like ground zero.)

You love surprises. I’m talking about “kick to the head” surprises such as: “Will he show up for work today?”, “What in the world was he thinking?”, or “Why didn’t he tell us he was running a nerf herding business on the side?” I’m very stable, reliable, and professional. (Oh, and I LOVE letting people know what in the world I’m thinking.)